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| I do not wear a size 0.
I do not have a chiseled body.
I do not have a chiseled face structure.
I am not a model. I am not a "knockout." Im just me.
Just, Aubrey.
I often times wish I was prettier.
I know I know my friends lovely, my boyfriend thinks Im beautiful,
and so and so's tell me Im cute or pretty.
I just always struggle with thoughts of,
Do my friends just think Im pretty because they know me?
Are they just saying that?
Do they think Im pretty BESIDES my imperfections, or all of me?
I've gotten my healthy (or unhealthy) helping of derragatory comments and experiences.
The weight comments.
The couldnt you have dated someone prettier?s
The ugly pictures. (yeah, dont be surprised, but Im not really photogenic)
I wish wish wish I could change some things about me, but most I cant.
Weight? I can get in shape and eat right, and Im working on that.
My face structure? I wish I could have the chiseled face, but I dont. I inherited the Carroll chin.
Hahah. Its there, look past it. I know Im not perfect.
Im just tired of getting compared, and put down.
Stop. Just accept me, all of me. The end.
Sometimes I feel pretty, think Im pretty, know Im pretty.
And other times? I feel like plain ole' dirt.
It's been a constant struggle, Im still fighting.
But just love me, I'll love you back.
My view of beauty is different than the world's, but its still true;
I hope yours is too.
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| There's always people that are like,
DONT CUSS ITS NOT ATTRACTIVE
DONT DO THIS ITS NOT ATTRACTIVE.
Yes, we hear it a lot.
Alright, so this is my little speal on a few of things related to this.
MY PERSONAL OPINIONS, so dont have a cow.
1.) I won't jump on you if you curse, just be courteous about it.
I'll openly admit that I myself curse from time to time, I let them words
fly when I get really angry or frustrated, lets just say it runs in the family, hahaha.
I'm not fond of it or anything, I just do it out of anger/frustration at times,
its happens. I can turn it off and on, but I like to keep it off mostly. 
So if you're angry and you say a word or something, I'm not going to eat you,
but just be wise. What's really obnoxious is people who're overly hypocritical about it,
or are just plain stupid. If you say something like "THESE ARE MY BITCHES!" or
"IT WAS A F---ING F----ER!" I consider that pointless and stupid. Stop it. Hahaha.
The second part of it is being overly hypocritical, which brings me to my next point.
2.) "Christian." Okay, so Christians are NOT in any way perfect, and we shouldn't act like we are.
We SHOULD however strive to be Christlike examples, even if we do mess up. There are too many
people that wear the label of "Christian" on their sleeve, and it honestly needs to be cleaned up.
If you say or do something that is considered hypocritical as a Christian, admit it, say I MESS UP,
dont act like you're a big Christian then go off and have CRAP all over your myspace, let junk come out of your mouth, or go out and act like you're the big stuff on campus.
3.) Now, to people that don't claim to be a Christian. I love you, and I love Christians too,
because I believe I am commanded to do both, and I choose it. Now, what you choose to do,
some examples: homosexuality, drinking, premarital sex, etc etc.
I won't jump on you about that stuff,
I may not agree, but I won't eat you up or hit you over the head with a Bible. haha. I won't treat you
different necessarily, and if I do it'll be out of respect.
Okay,
That's about it.
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There's always a first for everything.
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| This is the disease of Christianity:
either we "do to much" and only end up serving our own pride instead of Christ,
or don't do anything at all.
I've seen it happen alot, and its ridiculous.
In my own life, even though I fail and stumble at times,
I make it a point to serve Christ
and along with that goes serving others because He asks of it.
Success biblically is many ways different than the world,
what a shocker, right?
Success to the world is fame, fortune, and "beauty."
Biblical success is doing your best with what you're given.
Although you may be blessed financially,
it is what you do with that money that will count eternally,
and that's just one example.
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But back to the "disease of Christianity,"
I must say we really need to step it up.
Any non-christian will the majority of the time tell you that Christians
are the biggest hypocrites and biggots they have ever met.
That is heartbreaking, and it shouldnt be that way.
Yah we've got sin, but we've also got choices to make.
We can and will stumble and mess up, but we need to get back up,
brush off the filth, repair things with those we hurt when we do,
and keep on progressing and striving to serve and follow Christ.
For those who struggle with arrogant "Christian" syndrome,
remember that no one will change if you havent yourself,
the whole speck and log anology.
Treat people with love and respect,
but dont be a "soft" Christian either.
Stand up for what you believe in, but of course do it with respect.
It is okay to disagree, or say, I dont know, I will have to get back to you on that.
I know far to many people who say "thats what they believe and thats fine" or
"what theyre doing is fine," when in reality it isnt.
We dont need to jump all over them, but we dont need to necessarily let it slide.
Dealing with the problem depends on the situation however.
Building relationships and prayer are probably top on the list,
but sometimes God opens doors for "right then and there."
Don't be afraid, God's right there to help you.
Never give up,
and when you're facedown on the floor,
remember who will pick you up.
((AC))
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| My weekend was great.
Friday and Saturday I got to spend time with people I really really love.
And to top it off, church was so good today.
Andy spoke on how to "stay at home" talking about the story of the prodigal son and so on.
It was so good. About how we need to be grateful for what we have been blessed with.
Saturday, I was just simply watching a movie with Joseph,
and I just kind of stopped focusing on the movie and started thinking about him.
As I squeezed him tight and could hear his heartbeat with my head on his chest,
I was just thinking about how much he means to me.
This is my guy!
And hanging out with Pill was a blast even if she fell asleep. lol.
I love my friends, and I am so grateful for them.
Ive kind of had an off day, but its alright.
Tomorrow's a new day.
Love, and goodnight.
((AC))
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